


Observations From a Former C-Sec Officer

by ElfrootAndEezo



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Post-Virmire, Survivor Guilt, normandy crew - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:14:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22279231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElfrootAndEezo/pseuds/ElfrootAndEezo
Summary: Garrus Vakarian knew a lot of little things about the crew of the Normandy. He knew that something had changed with Shepard and Alenko.He was going to get to the bottom of it.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Observations From a Former C-Sec Officer

**Author's Note:**

> This has probably been my worst received fanfic, ever (at least for initial reactions.) After releasing it and seeing it not perform as well as usual, the idea of deleting or orphaning it sprang to mind. As someone who always preaches to own your failures though I've decided to keep it up. If one person enjoyed it, that's enough!
> 
> So, just wanted to say to any other writers (or creators, or anyone struggling) that not everything you do will be good, and that's okay. We all take missteps occasionally, so own it and don't let it get you down. Your contribution to the world still holds value.
> 
> Keep on.
> 
> EDIT// Just wanted to add that after a few days, it picked up and equalled out. It's no longer my worst performer and I think that supports my point from before even more. Own it.

Something had changed. He couldn’t say what for sure; he just knew something had. Years at C-sec had honed his observation skills, though, he was sure it’d be obvious regardless. When he’d first joined the Normandy crew he’d kept a notebook, on paper no less, with things he’d noticed amongst the crew. To save them, to reveal them, he hadn’t quite been sure back then. It was a habit. And so, his notebook was full of all kinds of mundane information. 

He flipped through it as he hid beneath the mako, pretending to work on it. No one would bother him when he was elbow deep in grease. Except maybe Shepard. But even she should be sleeping. 

_ Ashley tucks a scrap of fabric (blue and plaid) into her armour before deployment. Always. Sentimental.  _

_ Dr T’Soni is a closet fan of Volus children’s films. I suspect she’s ashamed.  _

_ Chief Engineer Adams adds ketchup to everything he eats. The other humans seem disgusted by it.  _

He wasn’t sure what he’d planned to do with some of the information he’d recorded. He hoped though, that Ashley’s scrappy fabric had given her comfort in her final moments. 

He huffed and clicked his mandibles, flipping through more pages of his notebook in search of a clue. Something had changed. 

Lieutenant Alenko either can’t trust his own mouth or is dimmer than he looks. Has anyone told him you’re not supposed to let your commanding officer know you fancy them?

Garrus was sure he’d read the situation correctly regarding the two of them. He’d bet on his newest sniper rifle that they were interested in one another. It had been obvious from the beginning. 

_ Commander Shepard smiles more when Alenko’s around.  _

The smiles had stopped. 

He’d seen them speak once since Virmire. He’d thought it might have been the shared loss of a friend that had driven them apart. A human reaction. That theory had died when he’d noticed the other humans of SSV Normandy spent more time consoling one another, and less time avoiding each other. 

He’d initially been concerned that the development of a relationship between them had the potential to interfere with their mission. The lack of development seemed more at risk of throwing their plans awry. 

Alenko’s mood was doing its best to keep everyone at bay, as he focused all of his time and attention on repairing a broken panel Garrus was sure he’d repaired five times over. The sensitive and supporting Lieutenant had moulded himself into a life-size crew repellent. He was clearly too caught up in his own head.

Shepard, on the other hand, was teetering between coldness and despair. He was used to enemies fleeing upon sight of her, but never friends and subordinates. She was usually kind, confident and respectful. And, he hadn’t seen her crying per se, but her eyes were blackened, bagged and puffy all at once. 

_ When Shepard does her rounds on return she stops by Alenko first and last. Never just once. I think she thinks nobody else notices. _

Kaidan, he’d noticed, had taken to hanging about near the entrance to Shepard’s room. Really, he was hanging about anywhere she was likely to appear from. She was avoiding him though. 

Garrus wasn’t sure which one of them it was hurting more.

He’d tried to bring it up with Liara and Tali, though they’d both told him to stay out of it. ‘Let humans mourn how humans mourn Garrus,’ they’d tutted at him, Liara more gently than Tali. Wrex, he knew better than to turn to over such an issue. He’d thought about approaching the pilot, but he still wasn’t sure how much Joker liked him. And, if he was wrong and it was just some weird human thing, he didn’t want to give Joker any reason to dislike him. 

It shouldn’t be any of his business anyway. A human relationship. But, he didn’t want it to interfere with the mission. Stopping Saren and the Reapers was the most important thing now. If he was being perfectly honest though, he did care deeper than that. The Commander had become a close friend of his, closer than he ever imagined when he inserted himself into the investigation. Kaidan was okay too, powerful biotic, loyal guy, just on a different wavelength to him. 

The distinct sound of the elevator doors opening startles Garrus. Enough so that he drops his notebook onto his face. From his place, half-tucked under the Mako he can make out two sets of feet. Both human or asari. He’s about to say something when he hears Kaidan. 

“Wrex is down here.”

“Don’t mind him, he’ll sleep through anything.” Shepard’s voice is tired and passive. “So, let’s have it out then.”

_ Shepard and Kaidan are avoiding each other. Reasons unconfirmed. Suspected source: Grief _

“I don’t want to have it out Jane, I just want to know you’re okay,” Kaidan said. Garrus, doing his best to be discreet, slowly slid further under the Mako and out of sight. “You’ve been avoiding me. And look, if you don’t want to pursue anything more with me that’s fine. I really like you, I think you know that, but if you don’t feel the same I’ll respect that.”

“Kaidan.” Shepard’s voice had softened.

“Please,” Kaidan pleaded. “I just need to know if this is about me.”

“Kaidan,” Shepard said, tone much more gentle than he thought her capable. 

“And if it’s not me? If it’s Virmire, or the mission, or anything else please don’t push me out. I told you I’d be your shoulder and I meant it.” Kaidan’s words rushed out of his mouth, pleading in a way that made Garrus feel guilty for eavesdropping. “I can’t make those things go away, but I’ll stand with you through them.”

Garrus itched toward his notebook, running over the notes he might make in his head. He should probably stop at some point. Before one of them discovered he’d been keeping track of their behaviours. Tali has already questioned him about the little notebook he always had tucked into his clothing. 

“It’s not you, not really,” Shepard said. “It’s just- It’s just I put so much into my career, my squadmates and the crew. And I care about you. And I feel guilty because you were the right choice on Virmire and I was relieved. I was relieved that sending Ashley to her death was the logical choice because if it hadn’t been I don’t know if I’d have been able to follow through.”

Their feet shuffled closer together as sobs echoed throughout the largely empty room. Garrus, uncomfortable and awkward feeling, was beginning to ache. He was determined not to move. He knew better than to be caught out like that.

“It wasn’t my fault and it wasn’t your fault. You told me that.” They were standing so close, Garrus could only assume they were embracing. The sobs muffled and slowly came to a stop. 

“Losing someone under my command is never easy,” Shepard said, her voice almost returning to normal. “But thank you. For being here I mean, for being my shoulder to cry on.”

“I’ll be here as long as you want me, in whatever way you need me.” 

Garrus rolled his eyes dramatically, for the benefit of no one but himself. He’d hoped his eavesdropping would help solve the mystery of their changed dynamics and moody behaviours. It had. Unfortunately, he also had to listen to two saps -who were almost unrecognisable from their regular cool battlefield demeanours- remind each other of their feelings. 

The two pairs of legs almost appeared entwined from Garrus’s point of view on the cold, uncomfortable floor beneath the Mako. 

He remained still for too long. They were talking, still, at least he was fairly sure they were. His legs were cramped, and his back numb. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could remain pressed beneath the battered vehicle.

“I might disable Joker’s communications if it means I won’t get interrupted from  _ that _ .” Shepard’s voice echoed, breathy and confident. “Blushing Alenko?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

Their footsteps retreated, and the elevator chimed. Garrus slowly pulled himself from beneath the Mako, stretching his battle-damaged and aching body as he did so. 

He collected his notebook and plucked a pen from his pocket. He probably needed to stop recording details from the lives of his squadmates. Maybe tomorrow.

_ Shepard and Kaidan. Package deal. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
